It's Him or Nothing
by Pheobe Floros
Summary: "Obviously it doesn't," he choked, bringing his knuckle to his lips. Frustration overwhelmed me and I began to open my mouth to convince him that he was wrong but he beat me. Before I could think one thing, he turned away and said, "I'm done."
1. The Loss

I

He's right. I'm a bitch.

Well, he didn't say that in so many words. He would never say anything like that, especially to describe me. Even when he's angry, he's still careful about what he says. But that type of mindset is the reason I'm in this mess, so I should shut my bitchy mouth up.

"_You take me for granted. You think I'm always going to be here for you, like I belong to you." Sky blue eyes narrowed and his breath quickened as he grew more flushed. He jerked his tie from side to side in a nervous fashion._

_I was stunned. I had never heard that tone in his voice before. An angry fire burned behind her eyes, something I never thought could happen. "I don't think that," I whispered in a small voice before he slammed his ferocious words down. _

"_You do! All you talk about is _him_, like he's all that matters, What about me? All these years that we've been friends, all this time I've –"_

_He caught himself and cleared his throat._

"_And it all means so much to me," I offered gently, but he stayed stern._

"_Obviously it doesn't," he choked, bringing his knuckle to his lips. Frustration overwhelmed me and I began to open my mouth to convince him that he was wrong but he beat me. Before I could think one thing, he turned away and said, "I'm done."_

I love the school library. It was a tall, majestic three stories of books, audio tapes and magazines. It had always been my sanctuary, the long, soft couches and armchairs made me feel close to home. The old, musty scent of hidden pages, glue and old plastic swept over me and I finally felt at peace, at least, until I spied him through the bookshelves.


	2. The Rejection

II

Dark hair and eyes to match, a tall, lithe frame, perfect for just about everything, he sat elegantly over a book, simply perusing the text. My breath caught in my throat and I looked around to see that we were alone save for rows and rows of bookshelves. Completely disregarding the past conversation, I headed toward him. Pulled out a chair. Sat across from him.

"Hey, Sasuke."

He looked up, his eyebrows curled into a frown while his lips stayed put. He didn't say anything and after a moment, he dropped his eyes back down to the book.

I placed my hands on the table top, looking much too eager. I could feel myself going down a road that I may not be able to come back from, but I kept going.

"So how 'bout that test in geometry? You have Engles, right?"

In a low, deep monotone, he replied, "I have Engles for calc."

"Oh right," I smiled, reminding myself how smart he was, His eyes were still cast downward and I sucked in a breath. "Hey, are you going to the concert tonight?" The choir group at our school was having a performance at the church next door.

"No."

Silence. I played with the sleeve of my sweatshirt uncomfortably.

"Do you think you're going the dance next –"

"No." He stood up and left the book open on the table, brushing me off and heading for the door. The silly smile stayed frozen on my face and I stood, too, following him out.

Puffing up my chest, I beamed up at him. "Well, you should consider going. It'll be so much fun -"

He turned to look at me, finally looking at with his large black eyes. He parted his perfect, soft lips and said...

"What part of 'no' do you not understand. I don't have time for you right now. I'm busy."

"Oh," I exhaled, feeling a bit light-headed. "Right, duh. You have... to study, huh? Sorry for bothering you." But he was gone before I said the second word.


	3. The Envy

III

"Sasuke?"

I was at his dorm, he had opened the door, saw me standing on his threshold and rolled his eyes. I could see Naruto sitting on the bed, strumming his guitar. I had forgotten for a moment that they were friends, even though they are essentially attached at the hip. They're an odd couple, to say the least. Naruto never got good grades, he was always writing songs or poems in his notebooks - never actual notes. His hair was unruly and his personal hygiene was, at times, lacking. He was too loud, messy and annoying. He had a wonderful talent, though, and that was that he made everyone feel good, he brought everyone together. That friendliness was why he was friends with Sasuke. Sasuke was something of a loner. He kept to himself and always got top marks. He never had to study, though. He was just born a genius. He was tall and beautiful, everyone always choked on their tongue when he spoke. He was silent, kept to himself and cruel. He hated almost everyone, never allowing them to really talk to him. The only person he really trusted, really could be himself with was Naruto. That was why they were always together.

"What?" He moved to close the door, hiding Naruto from view.

I faltered, looking down and studying the linoleum patterns on the floor. "I was just..."

"Sasuke!"

We both looked up in time to see a bespeckled redhead heading towards us. Karin.

She tossed a few flame hued strands over her shoulder and pulled her glasses off. Turning toward Sasuke, she acted like I wasn't there, flicking a finger over his nose. "I was looking for you, I was wondering if you'd like to go to see Killswitch Engage next Thursday after class? I know how much you like them..." Her scarlet colored eyes fell to the band's logo on his shirt. "I got the tickets already. All you've to do is say yes." She winked.

Paying me no attention, he gave the closest thing Sasuke could give to a smile and nodded. "Yeah, I'll go. "

Karin slipped into his room and I could hear her greet Naruto. That was when Sasuke shut the door in my face.


	4. The Sorrow

IV

Tears slid down my cheeks, staining my shirt in large spots. I stumbled into my dorm and crumbled onto my bed without turning the lights on. I had lost my only good friend. My roommate, Ino, had been a good friend in the past but she just recently started dating this bad boy, Sai so she's been preoccupied.

I just laid there, the tears slowly soaking into the blankets, until I finally fell asleep.

The light being flicked on woke me. I looked around to see a wide-eyed Ino, her back against the door, like she had been caught doing something wrong. Immediately, the look of shock and sheepishness washed off her face as she recognized the look of despair in my eyes and the wet tearstained bed. She rushed to my side and wrapped her arms around me, something she hadn't done in quite a long time.

"Sakura, what's wrong?" The deep blue of her eyes and yellow hair flashed me back to Naruto and I collapsed into her shoulder.

We sat there for a long time, she cradled me and whispered that everything would be alright, even though she had no idea what wasn't alright. I finally sobbed out the entire story; my fight with Naruto, Sasuke ignoring me more than usual, Karin popping up at the most inopportune moment and asking Sasuke to a concert, and him saying yes! Ino had, like all the other sane people in the school, a crush on the beautiful, smooth, Sasuke to a point where our friendship was demolished. After she got over her obsession, we stopped feeling animosity toward each other and reconciled. I was so glad to have my best girlfriend back in my life.

She was quiet for a moment and finally with quiet austere in her voice, she said, "Do you think it's time for you to forget about all this, Sakura?" When I looked at her with disbelief, she lowered her head. "This is just causing you pain. I think he really means something to you, more than he ever meant to me, or anyone else at this school. You see something in him that no one else sees, but that my not be the best thing. It may not be there."

I couldn't speak. My throat was tight and raw. Finally getting control of my voice, "He is everything I see in him and more! I know him! We were friends. He is..."

"Not worth this pain you're going through. You have to let go," she whispered.

"What if I told you to let Sai go? What if I told you he wasn't as perfect and wonderful as you think he is?" I was angry now, hot tears sprung into my eyes and slid down my cheeks. "You would tell me I was wrong. You would tell me to shut up because I don't know what I'm talking about."

"Sakura, I-"

"You're wrong. You don't know what you're talking about."


	5. The Realization

V

"D'you have a pencil I can borrow?"

I turn and lock eyes with Karin. Her glasses have slid down onto the tip of her nose, exposing her unusually colored eyes and the long, dark lashes that frames them ever so beautifully. An insanely innocent, inquisitive look plays across her delicate features and for a moment, I just stare at her in stunned silence.

After a moment of quiet, she raises her eyebrow and turns back to someone behind her to ask for a writing utensil. I could hear the word 'loser' being said, but couldn't be sure that I was the subject of that conversation.

Sighing, I come back to my in-class essay, finish it and leave the class without another word.

* * *

I see him in the hallway with her. I see her snake her arm through the crook of his elbow, see her pull on his tie playfully. It tears me up inside, it really does. I don't understand what's wrong with me, why she's better than me. What have I done wrong?

Then I think about Naruto. I think about how I treated him. I think about what I lost, and I hate myself for it.


	6. Forgiveness

VI

I am sitting on the curb, eating my salad slowly. It's my lunchtime and I can't help but wonder what it would be like to lie across the blacktop and wait for a car to crush me under its wheels. I close my eyes and sigh, releasing all the air from my lungs. I'm not one to have suicidal thoughts, if you would even call that thought suicidal. I detest those people who sit in corners, wear all black and slice their wrists open, I really do. But now I'm beginning to see eye-to-eye with them. No, I've never felt such emptiness to the point where I slid a razorblade across my skin so I could feel something, but I feel so consumed with self-hatred and sorrow. Too many emotions to keep control of. I just want to climb to the top of the seven-story tall dorm room building and jump. Flying through the air to my death would be a hell of a lot better than slowly bleeding out. Well, that's just my opinion.

As I'm eating, I hear footsteps behind me and stiffen. I really don't want to deal with anyone right now...I'll only snap and then I'll be left with fewer friends than before.

"Sakura?"

My ears perk up at the sound of his forced voice. Tears spring to my eyes and I bite my lip.

I don't turn around yet; this could all be a figment of my imagination. "Yes?"

A pause. "Can I sit with you?"

"Sure," I say, my breath caught in my throat, and scoot over.

He sits next to me, his yellow hair dangling in his eyes, and he presses his thumb to his lips. It's what he does when he's not sure what to say.

I don't dare look over at him. I see him in the periphery of my vision, but I won't turn my head and gape like I want to. It's getting hard to keep my eyes open, but if I close them I can feel that the tears will slip out of my eyes and he'll know I'm crying.

We're both waiting for the other to speak. I can feel it, and I want to say something...but nothing comes. I stay silent.

" I talked to Ino," he offers.

Taken aback by that, I clear my throat, furrowing my eyebrows. "You did?"

"She said you were sad."

"Oh."

He turns, I can see him, and studies me. "Are you?"

I can't seem to swallow and my jaw hurts. I can't look back at him, but I want to. I really, really want to. I miss him so much, he means everything to me. But I know that if I turn to him, see myself in those sky blue eyes, I won't be able to stop myself from breaking down. So I stare across the street and choke, "Yes," in a small, almost silent voice.

He pauses, taking it all in. "You know that I've been sad for a long time."

I finish for him. "Because of me. Yes, I know."

We sit in silence for a while, the cars zooming past us on a path of their own. They don't notice us, don't see us. I shudder and hug my knees to my chest.

"I'm sorry."

I'm not sure which one of us says it, only that it was said and afterward, in those seconds, I turn and look at him. He is already intently staring at me and I stare back at him. Dark circles cloak the skin beneath his eyes and his lips are red and chapped.

This time, I feel my lips moving. "I'm sorry." I brush a stray lock of hair out away from his eyes and catch his cheek in the cup of my hand. He leans into me, almost collapsing into my arms, and I cradle him. After a while, I notice that my cheeks are wet and so are his. I laugh a half-hearted laugh and squeeze him tight. And we sit here on the side of the road, my arms around his shaking, sobbing body until the sky turns red with dusk and the steady stream of cars fades into wayward zips of color and the night closes in around us.

* * *

**thank you for all the lovely reviews! sorry for my chapters being so short, i hope this sort of makes up for it! thank you for reading! please review! thank you again!**


End file.
